[On Wednesday, 18 November,
an incident occurred in Detroit that simply defies comprehension. So many separate characteristics and aspects
of life in America came together at one time and in one spot that retelling
this incident sounds so absurd and unbelievable, that you’d be excused if you
dismissed it as made-up or a hoax.
[If it were, however, it pulled in several local news reporters, staged several ready-for-video scenarios, and even caught comedian Stephen Colbert, host of CBS’s The Late Show, so that he created a special segment on Wednesday night’s show devoted entirely to it.
[I searched through a number of the “straight” news reports on the incident and am reposting one below, and then I’m presenting a transcript of Colbert’s LSSC bit as a comic take on the event. The problem, as you’ll see, is that the occurrence is so bizarre—at each turn, a new development is more incredible than what went before, piling one absurdity on the previous ones—that the actual news report is almost as funny as Colbert’s deliberately comic routine.
[I’ve tried to post occasional funny or silly bits on Rick On Theater in the past, but I think this is the first time I’m posting something for no other reason than that it's hilarious. It had me belly-laughing each time Colbert added a new detail. I can’t believe that anyone hearing this tale could predict what comes next as it unfolds. If someone makes a movie of this happening, sticking strictly to what actually occurred and in the way that it happened—without embellishment or manipulation—viewers who hadn’t seen the news coverage of it would swear it was composed by filmmaker who’s a master of absurdist or screwball comedy. You see if you don’t agree!]
“ESCAPED GOAT
CAUSES CHAOS IN DETROIT,
by Ben Hooper
[This is the UPI (United Press International) report that Stephen Colbert used as his lead-in to the segment posted below. It was filed on 18 November 2025, categorized as “Odd News.”]
Nov. 18 (UPI) -- A goat escaped from its owner’s home in Detroit and ran amok through a west side neighborhood, causing a frightened neighbor to jump on top of a car.
Dae’lan Scott was outside his family’s home Wednesday when he came face to face with an escaped goat named Smokey.
Security camera footage shows Scott jumping on top of a car and screaming as the goat approaches.
Scott’s brother, Jupiter Star, watched the scene unfold through a window while their mother ran outside with a knife in hand.
“She’s afraid of animals,” Star told FOX 2 Detroit.
The incident didn’t end in violence, however, as neighbor Robert Pizzimenti arrived to bring Smokey home.
Pizzimenti, aka Dr. Bob, is the owner of the Psychedelic Healing Shack, located near Scott’s family home. He keeps three goats: Smokey, Perfect and Angel.
Pizzimenti was cited for keeping the animals inside the city without permits, but he said he is hoping city officials will reconsider.
“If Detroiters were allowed to farm and garden the way many of us want to, we could have the most unique city on the planet,” Pizzimenti told WXYZ-TV [ABC affiliate].
Scott said he and Smokey have made peace, and he knows what to do if he sees a loose goat in the future.
“We would be cool! I know where to take him,” he said.
* *
* *
“THE LATE SHOW'S
REFRESHING CHANGE OF SUBJECT:
[This segment of The Late Show with Stephen Colbert aired on Wednesday, 19 November 2025, right at the top of the show, following the host’s opening monologue and before the entrance of Colbert’s first guest, actor Benedict Cumberbatch.
[The transcript presented below is based on the YouTube video’s accompanying transcript, which is posted in all caps and mostly without identification of the speakers or accompanying visuals. (It can also have occasional—and sometimes frequent—mistranscriptions.) I have reedited the YouTube rendering with the audio and video recording to correct for errors or oversights.]
Stephen Colbert, Host of The Late Show: You know, folks, I’ve been doing this job for about a decade and I’ve seen some crazy stuff come over the transom, but once in a while, you come across a headline that no amount of experience could possibly prepare you for, one that shakes you to your very core.
Well, ladies and gentlemen, today I learned “Escaped goat causes chaos in Detroit, scared man jumps on car” [UPI headline]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
Yes. And to that I say, “Escaped goat causes curiosity in host, man sick of Trump jumps on story.”
[LAUGHTER]
This is The Late Show’s “Refreshing Change of Subject”!
[ON CHYRON, HAND OPENS POP-TOP CAN (labeled “A Different Thing!”)]
Female Voice [sighs]: Ahhh.
Colbert: Tonight’s “Refreshing Change of Subject” is an eternal story. It is what happens when man and car meet goat. For more, we go to FOX2, Detroit’s barnyard news leader.
News Anchor [Roop Raj, evening anchor]: Here’s an interesting one tonight. What does a loose goat and psychedelic healing shack have in common?
Colbert: I have no idea, and I do not care. Go on!
Reporter [Jessica Dupnack]: Now, you might have seen this floating around social media this weekend. A video that’s gone viral of a guy here on Detroit’s west side. He was running and screaming from a goat.
Video of Man [Dae’lan Scott, running, screaming, and climbing onto car roof]: Ahhh!
Ahhh [BLEEP]!
Ahhh!
Look at this here!
Ahhhhh!
Ahhhh!
Oh, my god.
Oh, [BLEEP].
Oh!
Get down!
Colbert: In terms of overreacting, I think that guy is the GOAT. Because those, my friends, are some surprisingly panicked screams in the face of an animal you normally find at a petting zoo.
But it makes a little more sense when you isolate the goat’s audio.
“Goat”: Excuse me, sir! Can I talk to you about bitcoin?
Man on Car: Aahhh!
Colbert: And I know what you’re saying. You’re saying, “Steve, that goat-screaming guy sounds like one of those screaming goats.”
To find out if that’s true, we asked an expert.
Video of Another Goat: Ohh-ohh-OOHHH-oh!
Colbert: Checks out. A little higher, but it checks out.
But running in terror and then leaping atop a vehicle in the face of a domesticated vegetarian! How scary could this goat actually [photo of yet a third goat]. . . ahhh!
Ahhh!
Okay.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
I stand corrected. The terrified man on the car was not alone in his goat phobia. Reporters interviewed his brother, Jupiter Star – sadly, not his real name – about what happened next.
Jupiter Star: Just looked through the window, making sure he was okay. And my mom running outside with a knife trying to . . . trying to . . . .
Reporter: Your mom brought a knife?
Yeah, she brought a knife trying to get it to him. But she’s so scared of animals.
Colbert: Yes. She’s scared of animals, even ones from petting zoos. And well she should be: never forget FDR’s immortal words:
Dubbed Tape of FDR’s First Inaugural: The only thing we have to fear is . . . BUNNIES! STAB, STAB, STAB!
Colbert: Now, it turns out, our goat friend is named Smokey, and he escaped from a local business.
Reporter: The brother’s investigation into the loose goat led them down the street from their house to the Psychedelic Healing Shack.
Colbert: Okay, let’s . . .
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
. . . let’s pause the video right there.
That goat was from the Psychedelic Healing Shack? I’m gonna go ahead and say that if I’m trippin’ balls, the last thing i want to see is this [photo of third goat].
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
There you go.
Okay, so who owns this shack and its medicinal goat?
Cue Dr. Bob.
Dr. Bob [Robert Pizzimenti]: I kind of look like a goat.
[LAUGHTER]
Colbert: Okay. Okay, let’s pause again.
No, you don’t, Dr. Bob. You look like the uncle who brings cookies to Thanksgiving that are “not for the kids” [making "air quotes"].
By the way, for the record, Dr. Bob, Smokey isn’t Dr. Bob’s only prescription-strength goat.
Reporter: The doc took in Smokey and Perfect and Angel.
Dr, Bob: You know, they’re just gentle creatures, and they’re biblical and they’re very healing. If it was up to me, they might be in the house. But my wife’s not going for that one.
[LAUGHS]
Colbert: Okay. Pause a third time, please. “Wife?”
Can we see a picture of Dr. Bob’s wife [photo of third goat again]?
Okay. Side note . . . just a little side note. In the process of researching this story, we found some other fun facts about Dr. Bob and his business. For instance, last year, the Detroit police raided the building and seized 99 grams of psilocybin mushrooms and 10 grams of marijuana.
What!?
You’re telling me that the owner of the Psychedelic Healing Shack had drugs?! How would the police have known? But who possibly ratted him out? It certainly wasn’t Angel. He’s perfect! And it certainly wasn’t Perfect. He’s an angel!
Unfortunately, in the wake of his legal troubles, Dr. Bob recently put the Psychedelic Healing Shack up for sale.
Quick note to my wife. Evie, I think I know what we’re doing come June [a reference to the cancellation of The Late Show, effective May 2026].
[APPLAUSE]
Darling, on a scale of 1 to 3, how many goats do you want?
This has been a “Refreshing Change of Subject”!
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
We’ll be right back with Benedict Cumberbatch.
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