[Well, this is
something different for Rick On Theater.
If you read “Playwriting Bake-Off,” which I posted on 19 July, you know
that my friend Kirk Woodward entered a playwriting contest offered by the Summit Playhouse in New
Jersey. The contest was styled as a
“bake-off” in which participants had to compose a play according to certain
rules and the play had to incorporate certain “ingredients.”
[Dance Break, published
below, is Kirk’s entry. (I’ll let you
look back for yourself to see the rules of the contest and Kirk’s description
of his process in writing the play: http://rickontheater.blogspot.com/2020/07/playwriting-bake-off.html.) I thought it would be interesting to see how
Kirk used the ingredients list to compose his play. Look for: a trumpet, unexpected money, a
porch, a dance break, a secret, and the Devil.
[It’s a little like the literary version of a
hidden-picture puzzle.]
DANCE BREAK
© 2020 Kirk Woodward
No performance of this play of any kind may be given without the written
permission of the author:
Kirk Woodward
24 Kingwood Drive
Little Falls, New Jersey 07424
* * * *
CHARACTERS (all
adults)
EMILY
(F), independent and determined
NICK
(M), smooth and suave
GABEY
(F), trumpet player for the band
TIME: The
present.
PLACE: The
wide front porch of a house. Inside, a party is going on, with a live band.
* * * *
A wide front porch, a center door to the house. A party
inside, and a live band – dance, not rock – is finishing a set. NICK comes onto
the porch through the door, dressed for a classy, formal party.
NICK
(inhales
the fresh air, looks around, calls behind him) Emily! Come on out! (No
response.) Emily! I’m out on the porch! (Still nothing) Hey, Emily!
EMILY
(from
inside) I’m coming! Give me a minute! (He paces with irritation.)
EMILY
(Enters)
Sorry! You know I have a lot of responsibilities for this party. I’ll be in and
out. It’s a big night for my aunt.
NICK
It
certainly is. Having all that money drop right in her lap. Like she won the
lottery.
EMILY
Things
like that happen. Some people get the breaks, some people don’t. She did. I’m
not jealous . . . Well, maybe a little. It is
a lot of money.
NICK
See!
I knew it!
EMILY
You
think you know everything. You’re so smart. You have an angle about everything.
NICK
I’ve
got an angle about you, that’s for sure. I love it when you’re irritated.
EMILY
You’re
making fun of me.
NICK
How
am I supposed to act when you ignore me? You hardly danced with me at all.
EMILY
I
just didn’t feel like dancing.
NICK
In
the dance break you were shaking and rocking and moving like the devil.
EMILY
The
music was exciting!
NICK
Exciting?
It’s a dance band! It was dull when your parents were dating!
EMILY
No
such thing! I was having a good time.
(GABEY comes out, holding her
trumpet. She blows in it, clearing it.)
NICK
(to
EMILY, irritated by GABEY’s presence) Come on, let’s go out on the lawn. I want
to talk with you. I’ve got an idea.
EMILY
I’m
staying here. The grass is wet. (Sees the trumpet player) You’re the trumpet
player in the band! I didn’t realize you were a woman. You sounded great. That
dance break – you were hot.
GABEY
That’s
nothing. You should hear me when I really get going.
NICK
Hey!
Over here! This is important.
EMILY
(Crossing
to him. GABEY looks away.) Everything’s important to you.
NICK
Now
listen. You wish you had some of your Aunt Emily’s money, right?
EMILY
Why
do you ask?
NICK
What
if you could get your hands on some of it?
EMILY
You
mean steal the money? From her? Don’t you dare!
NICK
Did
I say anything about stealing?
EMILY
Well,
whatever it is. I wouldn’t do anything wrong to her.
NICK
How
much wrong could you do her? She’s incredibly rich now. Tell me this - is she
going to share it with you? The answer is no. She isn’t going to share it with
you. Not a penny. She’s never shared anything with anybody.
EMILY
That’s
not true and you know it. She’s taken care of me for years.
NICK
Minimally,
and only when she has to. You’re telling me she’s generous? You work five and a
half days a week in an office, your boss is obnoxious, and does your aunt care
even a little?
EMILY
She’s
not responsible for my happiness. Speaking of which, I have to keep an eye on
the party.
NICK
Well,
come back quick. I’ve got a proposition for you. (She reacts.) A business proposition.
EMILY
You’re
out of your mind. All right, I’ll be back in a minute. (Exits.)
GABEY
Nice
girl. (NICK is surprised to hear her voice.) She seems nice.
NICK
What
business is it of yours?
GABEY
I
just like observing people . . . and things.
NICK
Keep
your observations to yourself. Hey . . . don’t I know you from someplace? What’s
your name?
GABEY
Gabey.
Yours?
NICK
Nick.
I’m sure I’ve seen you someplace.
GABEY
I
play in a band, you know. Maybe you’ve heard the band before.
NICK
That
band? Not likely.
GABEY
You’d
be surprised. We get around. Don’t think this is the only kind of music we can
play.
NICK
Yeah,
well, follow your dreams. I’m sure there’s a big market for swing era trumpet
players . . . somewhere.
EMILY
(enters)
The party’s going okay. (To GABEY) Is the band going to start again soon?
GABEY
You
never know with that leader.
EMILY
My
aunt’s a stickler for that sort of stuff. She’ll be waving the contract in your
faces.
GABEY
Not
in my face! (Goes back into the house)
NICK
(to EMILY)
You
through?
EMILY
What’s so important that I can’t have a little
conversation?
NICK
I’ve
been thinking, that’s all.
EMILY
No
wonder you look stressed.
NICK
Shut
up. No, I’ve been thinking about you . . . and
your aunt.
EMILY
Aunt
Emily? Why?
NICK
Look
at it this way. You and she have the same name, right? Middle name too?
EMILY
Neither
of us have middle names. Nobody in our family does. It’s part of our family
history. My great grandfather hated his middle name. It was “Prosperity” or
something. So he went to court and dropped it, and none of us have had a middle
name since.
NICK
Fascinating.
A simple yes or no would have been plenty. (She makes a face at him.) Here’s
the point. What if all that money she got . . . was really intended to go to you? I
said what if.
EMILY
Then
I’d have it.
NICK
But
you don’t.
EMILY
No,
because . . . well, I just don’t, I guess. Why would all that money have been meant
for me?
NICK
Why
would it have been meant for her? That doesn’t make any sense. She’s a mean,
spiteful person. Do you think she got the money because she was so wonderful?
EMILY
You’re
saying . . . you’re saying they meant me instead of her? But the lawyers would have
noticed!
NICK
Lawyers
work for people. Did anybody challenge what she got?
EMILY
There
must have been something in all those documents that showed the money was meant
for her.
NICK
There’s
not. Not precisely.
EMILY
We
don’t know that, so – wait a minute. How do you know there’s not?
NICK
Because
I looked.
EMILY
You
what?
NICK
I
looked. I happened to be in the library, and I happened to see the right
papers. They were lying on the desk, or something. I couldn’t not look at them, could I? So I looked.
It’s ambiguous.
EMILY
I
can’t believe you went through my aunt’s private papers.
NICK
She
shouldn’t have left them out! I had a funny feeling about it. I was right! I
think maybe the money is supposed to go
to you. I think your aunt has been stealing from you!
EMILY
(responding
from a call in the house) I’ll be right there! (To NICK) Stay here. Don’t move. Not
a muscle until I get back. (She exits into the house.)
GABEY
(back
in view) You must be a lawyer yourself.
NICK
Huh?
(Realizes) You were listening? Yeah, well, listen to this. Shut up and stay
away from me or I’ll make you sorry. Really sorry.
GABEY
You
mean, like apologetic?
NICK
You
know what I mean. “Sorry!”
GABEY
You
can’t imagine how many people have said that to me.
NICK
Here’s
one that means it. Now get out of here!
GABEY
(Seeing
EMILY returning) Look, she’s back. (GABEY passes EMILY as she goes back into
the house.)
EMILY
(enters,
to NICK) There’s all sorts of problems. We’re running out of ice, also the
small plates.
NICK
Listen
to you. Are you on the staff? Are you your aunt’s servant? Wouldn’t you rather be
the one in charge? Have people respond to you for a change, instead of jumping like
a puppet whenever she calls?
EMILY
You’re
making it sound like I’m Cinderella or something. I’m not! Look at me! I’m not
wearing rags, I’m wearing a really nice dress.
NICK
How
often do you get to wear it? When your aunt says to! All I’m saying is, there’s
an alternative.
EMILY
I
don’t want to hear it. . . . (Her curiosity is too much) All right, what’s this
idea of yours? Tell me.
NICK
It’s
simple. You get a lawyer to sue and claim that the money was supposed to go to
you. . . . You
don’t get it? What’s the hard part?
EMILY
I’d
never win.
NICK
“Win!”
Where have you been? The idea isn’t to win. The idea is to settle! With all the
money she’s got, she’ll easily be able to give you a measly ten percent or so.
Enough for you to live like a queen for the rest of your life!
EMILY
It
would never work.
NICK
Sure
it would. It’s done all the time. Sweeten the pot. Offer a non-disclosure
agreement. If you have to. They’ll be sure to take the bait. Her lawyers. Easy
as pie.
EMILY
(deeply
unsure) Well . . . (Fighting for time to think) I have to make sure things are okay
inside.
NICK
Go
ahead, Cinderella! (She glares at him and goes inside, bumping into GABEY,
who’s coming back onto the porch.)
GABEY
Did
you see my mouthpiece out here? My mouthpiece. You know, fits in the trumpet. I
must have left it on the bench. Don’t see it.
NICK
I’ve
got a funny feeling about you.
GABEY
I’ve
told a joke or two in my time.
NICK
My
feeling is the opposite of “ha ha.” Have you been listening in on me? Do you
work for somebody?
GABEY
I
work for the “Rascals of Rhythm.” Like it says on the drum.
NICK
Do
yourself a favor. Clear out.
GABEY
I
can’t. I’m on a gig.
NICK
Sure
you are. So there’s the gig, right in there where the band is. Now go over to
the band and don’t come back. Got it? Beat it, or I’ll “dance break” your legs.
(GABEY goes into the house. NICK thinks hard. EMILY returns) So, did you polish
all the silverware?
EMILY
Stop
it! I’m not a house elf. I’m a grown woman and I choose what I want to do. And
I’ve been thinking about what you said. There’s no way I can do it. It would
break up the family! It would just ruin everything!
NICK
What
family? You’re thinking about your aunt? You think it’ll make her meaner? She
can’t be any meaner. You think it’ll upset her? She’s always upset.
EMILY
And
the rest of the family!
NICK
You
mean your cousin in Iowa. And Lucy’s family in Chicago. Give it up, Emily.
Nobody would care. They’d probably cheer! They don’t like your aunt either.
EMILY
I
just can’t do it. It would break her heart.
NICK
If
she had a heart to break. Which she doesn’t.
EMILY
(Seriously
upset now) I . . . I have to go inside and . . . and check. (She goes into the house.
GABEY enters from a side of the porch.)
GABEY
Nice
work.
NICK
(whirls
around) You! I thought I told you for the last time to disappear. I’m going to
make you sorry you were ever born.
GABEY
That
would be a threat - if I had been born.
NICK
Huh?
GABEY
Don’t
you recognize me, Nick? Come on, we’ve known each other . . . practically forever!
NICK
(Realizing)
Gabey . . . Gabriel! You! I didn’t expect
you to look like a woman.
GABEY
(With
a French intonation) Gabrielle, Nick.
Fooled you again. You’ll never get ahead of me, Nick. Never.
NICK
What
are you doing here? Why here? Why now?
GABEY
You
flop at predicting what I’m going to do, Nick. But you, on the other hand - you’re
completely predictable. Money . . . greed . . . three temptations . . . honestly, I’d think
you’d have come up with some new tricks by now.
NICK
I’ve
got some up my sleeve that you’ve never dreamed of.
GABEY
Then
we’ll meet them when they come. Meanwhile, I’m going to ruin this latest stunt
of yours. There’s no way you’ll get Emily to do what you want.
NICK
You
don’t think so? You’re wrong, Gabey baby. I’m going to beat you right now. I’ve
got two words, and they’ll stop you right in your tracks. Here they are: free will. She gets to decide on her
own, and she’s going to decide for me.
GABEY
Whatever
she decides, you know we won’t give up. We’ll match you at every turn. The
story won’t be over, no matter what she chooses. I won’t let you win – even if
I have to blow this – (holds up her
trumpet) to stop you.
EMILY
(appears
in the doorway) You don’t have to. I’ve already made up my mind. (They’re both
surprised.)
NICK
You
have?
EMILY
Do
you think I’m completely naïve, Nick? I don’t know if I knew you were the devil, but I certainly knew you were
a devil. A devil, Nick! Tempting me!
I guessed your secret, even before I heard the two of you talking at the door.
And you know what, Nick, you succeeded!
GABEY
Woah!
Wait a minute, Emily.
EMILY
No,
you wait a minute. Nick has a great plan. It’s easy, it won’t cost me a thing.
It won’t even hurt my aunt . . . much. It’s foolproof.
NICK
(to
GABEY) Take that, you fat-headed conceited angel!
EMILY
Except
for one thing.
NICK
What?
I’ll fix it. What did I leave out?
EMILY
I
couldn’t live with myself. It would be wrong, Nick, and wherever it came from,
I have some kind of sense of right and wrong. Anyway there’s no way I’d do it,
no matter how tempting it was.
GABEY
(to
NICK, greatly relieved) What were those names you called me, again?
EMILY
So
I’m afraid you’ll have to take your act someplace else, Nick. Don’t think it
hasn’t been fun. I learned a lot. You taught me a lot. I’ll be more careful
next time.
NICK
This
is ridiculous! It’s the wrong decision. Everything’s against it!
EMILY
“Free
will,” Nick. Remember?
NICK
Aaaaaagh!
Damn both of you! (Rushes off)
GABEY
Not
a chance. . . . Watch out! Don’t slip! That
grass is wet!
(NICK obviously slips, although we don’t see
it.)
GABEY
Ooooh . . . (Calls to NICK) Warned you! (NICK is gone) I’m very impressed, Emily.
EMILY
Don’t
be. It was a near thing. It’s still tempting.
GABEY
It
always will be. But you’ll be all right. And I’m never going to let him win –
not even if I have to blow this, you
know, in a big way. (Indicates the trumpet)
EMILY
You
wouldn’t have, would you – just for this?
GABEY
You
never know. It’s all unpredictable. But if I did – it would make for one
amazing dance break!
EMILY
It
certainly would.
GABEY
Say,
the band’s coming back. I’ve got to get inside.
EMILY
You’re
going to finish the evening? The gig?
GABEY
Sure
I am. You know, with the job I have . . . (Showing the trumpet) I don’t get many
chances to really blow this thing! (Goes inside.)
EMILY
(to
herself) Back to the party . . .
BLACKOUT
[Kirk Woodward studied
acting with Elizabeth Dillon at the HB Studio in Manhattan. He is a director, playwright, and actor, and a
member of the New Jersey Mental Health Players. He is musical director and performer for the
Foggy Minded Boys and the Foggettes, who provide free entertainment for not-for-profit organizations.
[In addition to his
article on ROT about writing plays—“How to Write a Play,”
posted on 18 February 2016, Kirk’s written many pieces for this blog. Among these are “How America Eats: Food and
Eating Habits in the Plays of Suzan-Lori Parks,” 5 October 2009; “The Most
Famous Thing Jean-Paul Sartre Never Said,” 9 July 2010; “Bob Dylan, Performance
Artist,” 8 January 2011; “Reflections on Directing: Helping” (a four-part
series), 11, 14, 17, and 20 April 2013; Some of That Jazz,” 7 June 2015; “George
Abbott,” 14 October 2018; and “The Gospel of John on Stage,” 11 January 2020; among many others.]
[He’s also published The Art of Writing
Reviews (Merry Press, 2009)—on which I commented
on ROT on 4-14 November 2009. His plays include both musicals and
non-musical plays and he writes for adults and children. (I directed one of Kirk’s wonderful
children’s plays, Aladdin, at the
Provincetown Playhouse in 1978. I also
used a performance of his musical version of The Legend of Sleepy Hollow
to discuss children’s
theater on this blog on 25 November 2009.)
He writes mystery plays, religious dramas, and adaptations of
classics. All these are available
through his website, Spiceplays (http://spiceplays.com/),
which also provides synopses as well as royalty and ordering information.]
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